Forever and Ever

Is Sex the key to a lasting relationship?

                                                photo credit: .craig via photopin cc

           The secrets to a fulfilling relationship or marriage is what couples have been asking and even praying to know for ages. The Romans prayed to Venus, the goddess of beauty and love, the Greeks, Aphrodite. Even today people seek advice on their relationships or attend couples therapy. One particular issue of failing relationships is physical intimacy. In a blog by Tara Parker-Pope, she examines what happens when sex leaves the marriage as her blog suggests. “Couples that have sex more often are generally happier than couples who don’t,” according to Denise A. Donnelly, an associate professor of sociology at Georgia State University. While sex is an important factor to some couples it’s not the sole reason on which relationships are based.

How important is sex to relationships and do men view sex differently than women? Studies show that men have a greater sex drive than women. Of course some men may have greater sexual drives than other men and the same is with women. According to the Department of Psychology at Case Western Reserve University, “Men have been shown to have more frequent and more intense sexual desires than women, as reflected in spontaneous thoughts about sex, frequency and variety of sexual fantasies, and desired frequency of intercourse.” Women are more into emotional intimacy than physical. Words affect women more than touch. An article in Family Life by Dennis and Barbara Rainey has an actual chart that shows the differences in the way men and women view sex. It’s a fact that divorces have been based on partners not being satisfied sexually. I know some males and maybe even a few females who would say, what else is there? The answer is almost limitless.

Opposites attract is only true with magnetism.The common saying “opposites attract” shouldn’t be used when finding a suitable companion. Some may argue that differences give basis to conversation and that these differences are why you’re interested in the person. Gena Kaufman, a writer for Glamour Magazine, says “what couples should be seeking is compatibility. Similar interests, world views, parenting styles, and goals in life can be the true keys to a lasting relationship.” Besides attractiveness, the keys that Gena Kaufman listed are as important if not more to a long fulfilling relationship.

Many people choose partners because they’ll be more financially secure. Money is another make or break issue with relationships. “Till debt do us part,” would be a more fitting vow than death. According to an article in The New York Times by Dan Hurley, “the average divorce rate in the United States is 40%. Of those 40%, 50% of the marriages that got divorced were couples that had less than a 4 year college degree.” Why do I bring that up you ask? It’s simple. People with a 4 year college degree earn 1 million more dollars than people without one. So it’s safe to say that if financial security matters to you look for a partner that has a college degree.

The point I’m trying to make is that your sexual desires and fantasies, however tempting they may be, are secondary to these other reasons. Using dating sites to find a mate is a growing trend in America. And this trend is growing for a reason. This sites ask specific questions about money, interests, and parenting styles. In fact, “17% of newlyweds met from online dating in 2010,” says an article in The Washington Post. It’s time to broaden the scope on what we look for in our spouse. It’s your choice.